From my kitchen to yours

From my kitchen to yours

Wednesday, March 8, 2017



And then she bid them adieu..
One word at a time ..
Till she had no more to say to them..

She sat in her favourite corners..
And sipped on her bubbly..
Listening to music that would sometimes make her cry , but now she wondered why..

Them words just walked around her in a large circle ..
And she softly said ..
Not today ..
Not at least for a while..

She sat alone ..
She sat with her smile ..
That did not protest , it just stayed on her lips, and was inching towards her eyes..

Think she had lost interest ..
In all the thoughts ..
That played a game of rhyme with her heart and her mind..

They watched her every move ..
The way she bit her lip and smiled, the crinkle between her brows, grown deeper with years..
The lines around her eyes looking so wise..

And sometimes them words, huddled close..
Looking into her eyes..
That looked like they wanted no more ..
She has played with them and touched them, caressed them with her breath..
And mesmerized them with her kind of magic and charm..

But now she sat there ..
Buried in the nook of her own arm ..
She looked like she needed to sleep ..
Or then in deep thought, about something very deep..
She had a smile on her face ..
No more tears..
She looked like she knew something, she was unwilling to share ..

She had walked her miles ..
She went home ..
Which was sometimes the shade of a tree..
Sometimes a rock on a mountain and sometimes a deep of the sea ..

She had the eyes of peace..
Satisfied ..
And flickered with gold on a dark night
She said nothing ..
And then she stood up and walked ..

Walked out with the beckoning sunrise ..
She turned around ..
Looked at all those beautiful words..
That she loved and inhaled and exhaled with abandon..
But she needed them ..
No more ..
She had said her bit ..
Too many times..

And she pulled her thoughts close around her ..
And spread out her gossamer wings..
And let the rays of the sun ..
Kiss her ..
She lightly flit around ..
Till the rising sun shimmered in her eyes..
She pranced and smiled ..
And felt at peace inside..

Her beautiful words ..
All huddled waiting behind..
She looked at them ..
Each one sparkling in the morning glow ..
She bent down ..
Kissed them all ..
And held them close..
They had given her so much joy ..
So much solace ..
And now she wanted them to rest ..
But they jumped around her and tugged at her threads..
As if to say don't leave us ..
While you go off on your adventures..

So she laughed and smiled ..
And told them to wait awhile ..
She needed to be alone ..
With all of them not impulsively and easily reading her mind ..
She wanted them to wait ..
And leave her alone for a bit ...

And she walked on a path , that paved a way as as she tread ..
It was different ..
It was new it had corn flowers and magpies too..
Hummingbirds that ware singing of beautiful things ..
And puppies that ran chasing the breeze..
She liked this path
With Dandelions playing in her hair ..
She inhaled the scent of a new beautiful year ..

She turned around ..
Looked at all her words..
And blew them a kiss ..
Said thank you for keeping her sane ..
And told them ..
She will meet them soon again..

She felt different inside..
She could speak her heart without making a noise ..
She , her smile and the sunshine ..
And this was just the beginning of a beautiful new story
That had a long way to go..

Love ..
She just carried with her love ..
That's all she ever cared for ..
All that ever made sense to her ..
In her heart and in deepest recesses of her being..
This life or this new one unseen ..

Friday, February 3, 2017


Ziggy Mars and Zeke Zidaan..

So I lost my Taz on the 26th December 2015, after a long struggle with not being able to let go and sickness.
I let him go, not because I did not crazily love him and want him to stay, but because, I realised that this is not the kind of life, he should be living.
Life for me just changed that day, he was the love of my life, if there is a soul that got me and knew how I felt, I know he did, and for me to let go of him was one of the most heart wrenching things I have ever done in my life, but it also showed me, that I would have to sometimes let go of hearts that I truly love, not because I don’t love them , but because I love them too much, and that's probably how it will stay, whether they are in my life or not.
I hated my home post Taz.
It was horribly quite, it had sorrow and heart-break looming over-head like a dark cloud, and even the leaves refused to sway on the trees.
Dew drops settled on the floor like a wet blanket.
I just could not deal with the fact that I came down everyday with no brown eyes that were happy to see me, and I had no furry love to cuddle and talk nonsense to.
I have actually called to to Taz.And wanted to see him once more.
But at the same time, I really did not want to lose any more ones that I love.
I had lost 3 doggies, Betty-Boo, Ninja  and Taz.
And no I did not want to deal with one more pet that I would lose.

So when my Vet sent me a picture of a really sweet black Labrador with the saddest 'come love me eyes'.
I just sent me a mono syllable answer ‘NO’.
And that was that.
And so life continued and I missed Taz terribly, but I knew that like a love story that will have a sad ending, I could no longer keep anymore pets.
Till I was one day having a conversation with my yoga teacher Eefa, and I was telling her about Taz, and she said that she lost her pet too and did not have one for the longest time, but as soon as she did, she wondered why on earth, she did not get one earlier.

So I actually thought about this, really hard, and felt why should I say no to love and happiness, when I can actually have it.
Yes I have lost three pups that I loved crazily, and why would I stop myself from feeling love, and being able to love, when all I had to do was reach out.

And I went back to that picture my Vet had sent me of that black pup, with the ‘Please love me eyes’..
And I knew that I was getting him home.
And so on the 28 Jan 2016, I took Zeke and Zene straight from school to Dr.Karkare’s veterinary clinic and was handed, this black pup with the saddest eyes ever, and as I saw Zene hold him, I knew, it was all going to be wonderful again.

Sad black pup and Zene Zoe..

He got into our home , and destroyed most of everything in the months to come, did not want to be hugged or cuddled, slept under my study table, next to my feet while I wrote, ate up the legs of all my chairs in my home, they now look genuinely’Distressed’..
He has chewed the bottom of all my dresses, because he likes hold the edge oh my clothes and take me for a walk, has littered his way into most places I wanted him not to go, and has barked at me like I was a stranger getting into my own home, he jumped broke his hind leg and now has a rod with 10 screws in it, has chewed the ZZ’s slippers, devoured dirty socks, that we prayed would be thrown out of his system as soon as possible, has uprooted my flowering plants, and run away with it if I shouted at him, has been bullied and slapped by the cats that live in my garage, that I started feeding post Taz, And behaves like a thug and chases them , only if one of the home members are around him, he has made friends with all the colony dogs, and wants to go out and play with them all the time, every time he hears them in the garden, he comes and tugs at us, and makes cute sounds, which means, my friends are out and I want to go run with them.
So on the 28th January it has been a year since he came into our lives, and I totally love it.

The little thugster...ZiggyMarsWarsi...

Today Ziggy Mars wants to be hugged and cuddled and wants to be chased while he runs of with a coconut in his mouth.
What can I say he is born on the 2nd Dec 2015, is a Sagi puppy and I’m totally in love with him, he showed me that I can  always feel like I do about my Taz who is now a mulberry tree in my garden, But I still have place in my heart for him, and always will.

Ziggy Mars my little love...

So yup, in the event you lose someone you love , if you had to let them go, leave them or they just one day never returned.
Yes you will love again, and it will be differently beautiful.
But love you will , because that what our hearts are made for, to simply LOVE.

Ziggy Mars my Sagi Crazy pup...

Saturday, December 17, 2016


It was lovely...
You and me..
We went on long walks..
Listened to music that played in our hearts ..
Walked at the ocean shore..
Till the setting sun just hugged us tight..
And when the crescent of the moon shone, you just took me home..
Me and my gypsy ways..
I love our little nest at the edge of the brook...
Its close to the woods and the  mountains that I love..
We took our own time, we had some wine..
While I lit candles all around our favourite tree ...
We don't need a place, the wilderness is home..
Its where we belong..
Two wild hearts , so crazy in love..
We know what it means, to have what we share..
It does not define who we are or label us, it does not matter, a piece of paper, a metal ring, we really don't care..
It just lets us be..
Infact I feel the most free, when you have your arms tight around me ..
I don't want you to stay and I also don't want you to leave , nor do I want you to keep me in your arms forever , but I want you to hold me now..
Our arms are not our abode, they are home..
I love us..
I love what you do, to the deepest part of my soul..
And I know by the touch of your fingertips, the softness of your mouth, and the light in your eyes..
I'm your magic..
Your last thought before you sleep, whether you like it or not..
And you too yearn for just another day ..
And so we sat , fingers entwined, your heart-beat near mine, your breath mingled with words softly caressing my skin..
We spoke of the places we needed to see, together and the ones we need to traverse alone..
And then you looked at me , and asked me to walk across the bridge with you into the thicket of the forest..
You walked ahead , and held out your hand..
And before I could tell you what I wanted to ...
I woke up..

Maybe till another time..
Till we meet again, on the other side of light..
You and me and all the magic of the universe insight ..

Friday, December 16, 2016


The most beautiful part of life is that you can love.
And that by far is the most honest thing you will ever do.
Because you are what your heart feels and you are made up of the secrets you keep.
And this is what actually exudes on your face.
There is more often than not, no real reason anyone can give you , as to why they  love someone, There are no explanations.
I have really done a deep self analysis about why I love who I do, and I'm sorry I cannot help you..
I'm as clueless ha ha ha

Except for the fact, that love makes you feel more alive that probably climbing to the top of a mountain or diving into the deep blue.
Ask me I have done both.
And love wins, by the widest margin, all the time.

The best part is , it can be done without anyone's permission or any restriction.
You are free to love who you want and as much as you want .

But the thing is this, the object of your affection may or may not feel the same.
And even if they do or dont, let me say this..
Actually let me not say anything..
Its nice when you find your own path..

We all come from different spaces.
We all go through life, carrying so much in our hearts.
That sometimes it's best , if you can stop trying to figure whether you are loved back or not .
Even if you did know the answer to that, would it change the intensity of your feelings.
I don't really think so.
We all love .
There is not a single person in the world who does not...
It's just not possible...
If you are alive , you will love...
It's a given .
It's like Einstein's equation E=mc2 ..
And now, just stop trying to question it..

So no matter , how inquisitive or how crazily and deeply in love you are.
Just remember this , sometimes searching for answers, just leads to a huge waste of time.
There is a lot of power and healing in Love.
So use all the love in your heart to do good and help yourself or someone else.

I was once told .
That people who are not together in the same space..
Can sometimes just feel the person they love, in every breath..
Now if that is not love..
I cannot understand it better..
It's because..
It's an energy so powerful , that it permeates through the universe and touches the ones you love.
So can you just imagine what it could do  to you .
There is so much good that comes out of just loving.

But with loving , comes great responsibility..
We all like to catch it, hold on to it and never let it escape..
The thing is this, Love is actually a free bird , and does not need any one's permission to stay or fly away..
So as you walk through life, you will get to know love better..
And if you don't learn fast..
Love will take you on a whirlwind dance , so that you do understand, how to tango, waltz, cha-cha , hustle, street style jazz ballet or just simply sway your hips...

And it always leaves you richer..
You discover you..
Love helps you realise your dreams..
Pushes you to achieve them..
Makes you bold enough to reach for the stars..
Because it teaches you to love yourself first ..
Not in a I,me,myself way, but in a wholesome beautiful way..
It makes you less judgmental ..
It makes you realise, we all carry tides of feelings not expressed and ranges of emotional baggage, And we all go through life , and operate from that plain, peak or valley that we are in ,at that point of time..
More often than not, the ones who laugh the loudest, carry tears in their hearts..

So yup ..
When you meet love..
Look him in the eye, laugh with him, listen to what he does not say and listen keenly to the music he plays..
I know, you will learn a lot..
The best kind of love, is the kind that actually pulls you out of your deep slumber, and peels off the layers and leaves you bare..

So today I watched La La Land..
And yup, as expected, I totally loved it ..
It explained, love to you in the most poignant, melodic, fluid and heart-breaking way.
It showed you the truth of life..

And yup, like Mia said to Sebastian  in the movie..
It is true, some people you will just just love for the rest of your life..

Thursday, December 15, 2016


Yesterday was just the kind of day
That was a gift ...
When I reached the beach for my run.
I just met the biggest brightest moon staring down at me..
I was totally awestruck and stood there just for a bit, staring into his face..
It was just so peaceful .
The beach was filled with people who wanted to start with a morning, that had energy in their stride.

So I have been running on and off with my Marathon group for about a month  now.
Mostly off than on.
And Brinsten and his coaches Clement, Sylvester, Dolmen, Anthony, Michael,Noom and Raj Kumar are just awesome and fantastically patient, not to forget totally encouraging.
And its only because of them that we are all able to wake up at the unearthly hour of 5am and head to their destination of choice, for our run.

So while we were doing our interval training..
Suddenly in the middle of huffing and puffing and putting all my strength into it ...
I saw before me a big light of blue, with a tail that just whooshed across the cobalt sky and disappeared...
Oh my God !!!
Did I just see a shooting star❓
I was just so excited..
And wanted to just scream, in delight..
When a co-runner, looked and me and said,'Did you see it ?"
And I said, 'Oh my God , yesssss, thank God , I thought I was just imagining it "
And breathing heavily and running we sped towards our finish line..
For our 2 minute break ..
And in the middle of that, those that had witnessed it talked about it , and the rest who missed it drank water and listened to our chatter...
And then someone said , I hope you made a wish .
And I just thought , to myself,
"No,I did not make a wish "
I was just really ecstatic that I saw a shooting star, and I could think of nothing, but was in wonderment of that brief spectacle ...

No...I thought, I don't want to wish for anything..

This year, I'm going to stop wishing for things to happen and I'm just going to believe in the eternal timing of the universe, knowing fully well, that what has to be mine ,will be..
And I continued my run...
I felt somewhere, like I had lost my innocence, and yet somewhere, felt , why do we always have to want things...
Don't we already have what we need, and so much more , in different ways, over and above it ..
Can't we just be really happy with what we have instead..

So instead of wishing for new people and things and situations in our life, that we may not be able to give our 200% to, or will lose interest in , with time..
Can't we instead just be fantastic to the people, things , pets and situations we are with...
I think that's the way to be..
Not that I fully am, because I'm just normal ..
Ok let me rephrase that , "Normal sometimes " most times reactive ...
But I want to be content..
Exactly where I am , yup that would be nice..

I'm not saying, we need to not improve our life or our  skill or not work harder to get where we want.
But at the moment can we just be thrilled to be where we are , knowing that this will change..
And with this thought , I drove my tired legs home to a whole day of shoot.

I worked with an incredible bunch of women, and a few guys on the side ha ha ha ...
Running Cow films under Anoushka the director and her band of fiery , fantastic girls.
DOP: Maulshri.
Art: Seher and Lauren.
Line Producer: Sunny.
Food Stylist: Sanil.
DOP Assistant: Arvind.
Art Assistants: Anu and Murti.
Spots: Rajesh and Pappu.
Fashion Stylist: Pranay
Fashion Stylist Assistant: Niyati
Hair and Makeup: Bianca .Louzado

It was a day of total magic.
My friend , co-Channel [V] VJ and now the most fantastic make-up artist, did my make-up and hair for the day, I was not just in good hands, I was in the hands of a beautiful artist, I'm really lucky..
We started shooting and I just did everything Anoushka asked me to do and slept in between shots, cat-naps , many many of them.
At the end of the day at 11.45pm , we finished, it was a great day at work.
And I did not go to the monitor to check how I looked even once,that was such a relief,  I just felt so comfortable that I did not need to.
The thing is this, in any relationship, it does not matter who,what or how ? You just need to trust ..
But if you don't trust , it's a very difficult and stressful place to be .
I don't like watching my back , that's just not the way forward.

And I was working with professionals, who were the best at what they do..
So if they trusted the fact that I'm going to deliver once I stand in front of that camera, then , I needed to trust that they would work to their best ability too.
And frankly at the end of the day, a camera does not really lie, I was going to be exactly the girl I meet in the mirror every morning..
It's just that today , I had my face beautifully done, my hair tousled with precision and clothes picked up with care, so that , it looked randomly put together...
Ha ha ha if I truly believe that I am the girl on that TV screen , then I would need to see a therapist in a few years...
I know who I am and what I can do, and any amount of praise , or lack of it or anyone talking badly about me , does not dull my shine..
Actually it dulls their's..

It was a tiring and a fantastic day .
And everyone worked together and with such positive fabulous energy .
I was satiated and happy, I had put my best into it..
The rest is not upto me...
I cannot spin magic or conjure things out of thin air..
It's now in the hands of the ones I worked with, and I know they will do nothing but the best .

Before I fell off to sleep, I closed my eyes and thought once more of that burst of blue light across that dark sky and was just so happy that I saw my 'First ever shooting star' up-close and so personal..

See, I know this New Year, that I have stepped into, is going to be full of moments, that are going to make my world, filled with all, that is going to make me, be the best ME..
Till then I'm going to trust the universe and allow the waxing and waning of the moon, dictate the many moods in my life..ha ha ha
And I'm stopping to try so hard to make things happen..
I'm just going to continue to be me..
And I know all will be as it should be , not more not less .

Tuesday, December 13, 2016


"Where do I begin", like the words of that beautiful song from the film Love Story by Andy.Williams.
I just don't know if you feel this too, but December always brings magic with it.
It's the month of pure unadulterated, unstoppable,impulsive, crazy,wonderful Love.
And this for me is the best part of the year.

This year has flown by and with it I have been part of a whirl wind romance with life and all its offerings.
This year on the 8th of December, I turned the right side of life .
I did a lot of amazing things , but like any true blue Sagittarius I did plenty of the stupid stuff too, and you know what , I'm bloody happy I did, or my life would not be as sparkling as it is, life is all good, and a few risks here and there or leaps into the dark, won't kill you, it may just about bruise your knees, or then sometimes your heart.

Our life was never to bed a bed of roses, and if it was, please do know, that as soon as you do lie down, you will have thorns that will greet you.
So knowing that would you lie down on your bed of roses.
I think yes, because, that is the truth of life.
Life is always a heady cocktail of good mixed with the bad, joy with hurt, love with heart break, friends with tears , puppies with torn and ripped "everything', kids with sleeplessness, lovers with distance, hope with failures, happiness with fears, real with fake, mountains with seas, expectations with disaster..
You are getting the drift right.

And yet, as soon as December comes visiting, life on "Planet Maria" changes.
It changes to the softest colours , twilight and me have ever seen.
And everything that has happened to me through the year, plays out like a beautiful nostalgic film and somehow, life just is again full of love and hope and brand new paths.

I know that the truth of life is that you are actually alone in this beautiful world, and you are given souls to walk with you through your life, to help you discover your true self.
And so the more accepting you can be of what happens to you, in retrospect, you will be a shinier person.
Some will teach you how to nurture, some to have fun, some to take risks,some to be calm , some to be practical, some to have patience,some to look after yourself, some to love deeply and some to let go.
And we need to be thankful for all the experiences , the year has to offer.
You will always find at the end of it all that you are richer inside you and have more resilience and more love than you have ever imagined.
You will learn bitter truths about yourself and others that you may or may not like.
And you will behave obnoxiously or not in certain situations.
The thing is , don't be too hard on yourself or on others.

And definitely know, that the reason we have so many altercations in our life, is because sometimes, some people have to leave , so that you can make space in your heart for what is real and is actually meant for you .

Yes if you have been chucked out of someones life , you may go out kicking and screaming , fingernails making scratch marks on a door, or then sometimes you will just kiss them good-bye.
You may even close the door never to be opened again , and then sometimes become a monster of silence.
Just remember, you may have knowingly or unknowingly chucked someone out of your life too.
And Karma has come for its annual visit.. ha ha ha ..dammit.

The thing is , please don't try deciding, or making plans , because plans have never ever worked out.
In life, some things fall apart and some fall together and it is because , it was meant to be that way.
So I guess, we need to embrace life and all its possibilities and wait for the world to unfurl its dreams and plans for us.

Having said so, yup, it may just have been the most difficult year of your life, and you know what, maybe its now time to climb out of that valley and face the sunshine of your New Year.
Somewhere between, believing in happy endings, and accepting the reality of life, this year has gone by, you cannot out-smart getting hurt, just like you cannot decide whom to love or who will love you , you basically accept your truth or your variation of it, whatever works for you .

So to everyone , who love December, like me, also because its my birth month..

I would say, dance to the songs you sing in your heart, this is just the beginning of the ball of your life.

Wednesday, October 5, 2016


I found a me, from long long ago...
When I looked at her..
She looked so different from the me of me now..
She looked like she was searching..
And waiting and hoping..
And had a smile on her lips and a sparkle in her eyes..

I just wanted to tell her..
She will be just fine..
Infact much more than just fine..

Her fears will dissipate..
And she will walk tall, in all her '5.2' frame..

She will fall in love..
Not many times ...
But will fall in love with a passion ..
That will forever spoil the person, she loves..

She will fall in love, sometimes with someone she has unknowingly loved..
Sometimes with the one that awakens her , from deep slumber..
Sometimes the one that heals her heart, and stays the song in her heart..
Sometimes, with a soul that sparkles like hers..
And sometimes they could all be rolled into one..
And yet be different lives ..

But fall in love she will, with man, woman, child, animal, mountains, plains and deep oceans..
And all the magic, this universe holds within..

She will make mistakes..
She will fall..
She will get up..
Wipe the tears off her face , and bravely walk on..

She will meet many people..
And travel, physically and spiritually..
Till she knows, its actually all inside her..
But, stop, she will not, because to travel, is her rest..
Her destination of Zen..

She will have children..
And fiercely love them..
Like a lioness loves her pride..
She will love and be loved..

Because between 'then' and the 'now' that's , all that really matters..

I wanted to tell her..
Her heart will be broken , and broken many times..
By the ones that she loves..
But aren't they the only ones, she lets in..
And maybe, they are not to blame..
Her heart is not their place, and so they break out, smashing and leaving torn , the walls of her being..

I just want to tell her.
Her heart will melt, capsize and smash to smithereens..
And every time, this happens, rest assured, she will discover a new piece of her, that sparkles brighter..

She will keep that sparkle in her eyes..
Maybe its tears, maybe its wonderment..
Maybe its just plain love..

And that's what I see today..
I see eyes, that have loved, lost and loved some more..

The rest , in my opinion , just does not matter..
It does not really count , in the long run..

Love does not ask questions..
It seeks no permissions..
It has no boundaries..
And definitely no ego..
Its just simple, and kind, and permeates all through the hearts of mankind..

And I have learnt , you don't have to teach anyone lessons..
Or hit back at a wrong..
Karma serves us all..
It gives us what we dole out..
It always comes and pats us gently, on our most vulnerable spot..

What I would actually tell her..
Is that, nothing in this world matters...
Expect how much and how well you love..

I'm happy ..
That through her trials , tribulations and falls..
She has stood still..
Maybe she went crazy and wild inside..

But she managed to keep her heart..
Beautiful, childlike , trusting and full of sparkle inside...

So I'm just going to look , straight at me , and say this to myself..
Continue to love..
Try and not expect, anything in return..
Its going to be the most difficult thing to do..
But love nonetheless..
Till it sears and burns..

Sunday, August 28, 2016


And there you were ..
And there was I ..
And it mattered not..
How we suddenly met ..
You said hello first..
Whether you walked first towards me or not ..
Whether I just shook your hand ..
Or you hugged me ..

What mattered is what you said , when your eyes met mine ..
Something transpired ..
Something that shook the very core of our beings ..
Something that made us stop and wonder..
Something we knew, our familiar , slightly changed...
What were we till then ..

Oh yes,we knew the other existed..
But this moment on..
We lived..
We lived with a knowing..
That something was unearthing the ground beneath our feet..
And yet..
It felt serene..
Turbulence felt sane ..
This felt like it was to be..
There was comfort in balancing on a rope , blindfolded..
I just knew that if I did fall , you would catch me..
And I would just not let you go ..

And then life happened..
And we began to question our normalcy..
Life saw our turbulence and decided that this is not how it should be..
Chaos and confused and totally happy in the thought that , this is what love may be all about ..

Who on earth said love is peace..
Peace is acceptance...

It's not love ..
Love is turbulence...

It sets off the Richter scale to a degree of non conformity..
You cannot measure it..
Nor can you explain it..
Now that's what we share..
That's what we have..

We never ever need to talk about love..
It just is ..
Wrapped around us...

In the brown of your eyes..
In the silence of your laugh..
In the touch of your mouth unhurriedly searing my lips..
It's a knowing that this moment..
This space is ours..

I have your name tattooed under my skin..
And I know you inhale the softness of my name, whether you want to or not..
We don't need to shout from non existent roof tops..
We don't even have to whisper..
We just have to be ..

And I just know..
I feel you and you feel me..
In this world of ever..
Turbulence, you and me...

Thursday, July 28, 2016


And so I have realised that no matter who you are, where you come from, what you do , regardless of your sex, colour of your skin, frizzy or poker straight hair, straight or crooked teeth, dimples or pimples and philosophies in life .
Your heart will be broken .
That's a no brainier .
You are safe from no one...
Man , woman, child, animal, place, thing and even fish..
Do'nt laugh, I'm serious...
In this case its about the fish in Maldives that I cannot meet because my son (who also incidentally, keeps breaking my heart) is not upto mark with his school work and hence , we cannot bunk school.
And so I'm heartbroken about the fact that I'm not going to be diving into that beautiful blue this Independence day with my dive-buddies and will miss meeting all those  beautiful shoals of fish..

I'm gonna really miss me diving with you ..
So lets get back to heart break..ha ha ha
One day your rose tinted glasses will shatter ...
And you will feel like , an under-wired delicate lacy bra, put in a washing machine on a double turbo rinse cycle without your lingerie bag as shield.
Yup ..

So what happens next...
You will be put out to dry on a line with all the other clothes whether you like it or not, your under-wire maybe be a little twisted wrongly and your lace , looks like you were put at the front line in a war zone , so you look a bit battered .
And the rest of the clothes will figure your plight, they may snuggle up close to you or pretend they never saw you ..

Well the fact is this ..
Too bloody bad ..
For me , for you and for whoever else standing with pieces fallen around you .
Sometimes you make the wrong choices..
Sometimes you don't read the signs..
And sometimes you know , this may never work...
But all your nerve endings are screaming out...
"No no go for it..
One life to live .."

And of course you must listen to all your nerve ending and all the voices in your head , because they are so smart..
And you must tie up that tiny little feeble "voice of reason", in the corner...
Gag her and hang her upside down..
Stupid cow..
Has the adventure quotient of the eye of a needle , and wants to tell me what to do .

And so we do go ahead ..
Hair flying in the wind, cheeks flushed pink, big smile on your face, some times a cape on your back and beautiful sparkling dancing shoes ..
And march into the unknown of a place you think you know, but it's really foolish , that you can even think that you know, the Unknown , because the Unknown is unknown for a reason..
It is supposed to stay Unknown ..
Ha ha ha ha..

Anyway ..
So post finding the Unknown and exploring it..
You realise...
That what wants to stay a secret..
Will always stay that way ..
And you and your bloody flying hair and cape , can take your shiny dancing shoes and bloody well leave..
Because there is nothing to be found sometimes in the Unknown.
Except you alone..

So while I do think ..
People who are in love ..
Live on love and fresh air..
And people who are heart broken live on love and despair...
I need to eat..
And am hungry regardless..
In love or heart lying in smithereens on the floor ..
And all my blah has made me really hungry..
So let me share with you , this lovely  recipe that I made just recently ...

I'm trying my luck at being Vegan..
And today is my 11th day ..
Why am I trying my patience with being Vegan ..
Because I'm testing myself..
Testing my self control..
And more than that..
Sometimes you need to clean your insides ..
And so yup..


Zucchini -1

Oil -2tsp
Garlic- 8 pearls diced
Oregano- a sprinkle
Basil- 4 leaves
Chili flakes - according to taste
Salt- according to taste
Extra virgin olive oil
Mulagapodi powder also known as gun powder ( introduced to me by Nikhil Chinapa) and delivered to my by my really artistic under-water photographer Anup J Kattukaran


Add oil to a non stick pan..

Add the garlic and let it sear and roast a bit..about a minute
Add the Chili flakes and the salt to taste..
Then the spiraled Zucchini , which now looks like long strands of pasta, it takes just about a minute to cook on a really high flame, do not over cook it , or it will lose its bite or crunch..

Throw in your oregano and torn pieces of Basil..
Its ready..
Serve piping hot..
Drizzle with extra virgin olive oil and sprinkle with as much Mulagapodi powder as you like..

So while I was spiralizing my Zucchini, I was just pondering about the fact..
That I never ever in my life thought, that one day , this would be my healthier option for pasta.
Now who does not love pasta.
I definitely still do..
Especially Aglio olio in pepproncino..Oh my Gooood..
But I did realise that pasta made with flour is not really the healthiest thing to eat, pasta made with wheat flour does not suit me and I'm not too fond of pasta made with rice..
And so I finally realised that spiralizing Zucchini is not just a healthy option but it really does taste awesome ..

And frankly in life, it always makes sense to reach for what is good for you , and makes your insides happier and healthier.
We all have a choice in life..
We all have a right to choose between what we want in life and what is really good for us, emotionally, spiritually , physically and mentally.
Because our wants may be few, but what we deserve is actually the very best of lots..
Well let me say this, yes I love pasta , beautiful 05 Spaghetti cooked with love in olive oil , garlic and chili flakes , it emotionally fills my soul with peace...
But the gluten in it , makes me so sick , that after about an hour, I'm really wondering why on earth I had it .
Similarly in life, I think the choices we make , really affects how we feel on our insides.
I know that there is really nothing wrong with loving anyone or not..
That's a personal choice..
Who you love (or don't) is your problem and no one else's...
Which means , you have allowed that person to stay in your heart or out of it..

What you do with love in your heart or lack of it..
Is what dictates the path of your life..
Sometimes you may be in love with pasta that feels oh bloody damn good , but is horrible for your insides and messes you in the long run .
And sometimes all the stars align and you fall in love with  Zucchini pasta, which just makes you glow inside out ..

And in the interim period , where you have not yet found , what works for you ....
Where nothing works..
What do you do ..
Do you throw your self in despair ..
And give up on food ..
And live on nuts and berries and drive yourself crazy for a bit ..
Errrrr ya ..ha ha ha
After all we are all just homo Sapiens , and according to Darwin's Theory of Evolution , came from primates...

So yes , we go back for a bit, but then life has a way of moving forward , if you can have your cells regenerated ..
And come back..
A whole new person..

And that according to me is just the most amazing way to live ..

We have to make peace with the fact..
That we will have our hearts broken..
But somewhere sometime, we must have broken someone too..

And that's how the world actually, in a very twisted way , becomes a better place..
It's only through brokenness..
That we find our selves..
It's like what Rumi said ..
The wound is the place , the light gets in..

Oh yummy ..
My beautiful zucchini is ready and sitting on my plate..adorned with just simple Extra virgin olive oil and mulagapodi powder ..

HELLLLLO Zucchini ..

And as I bite into it ..
I feel..
A burst of freshness , like never before..
Ofcourse its a far cry from what my palate is used to..
But then the only thing constant in life is change, and if it is change for the better..
Then you better grab it with both your hands..
Infact a few days ago I also made Khao Suey with a vegetable broth, and used Zucchini again as my choice of Noodles..
I actually left them raw, because they do cook up in the steaming broth..
I made chicken, lamb and veg condiments on the side, for the rest of the family..

A bowl of unadulterated  funnnnn....

But I was really pleased with the flavour of my zucchini pasta..
Its a small change, and I'm loving it ..

The fact is this..
There is not a chance in this life , that I would ever regret taking a chance on food and love..
You just always have to..
Just remember , what is good for you , will eventually find its way to you ..
Do'nt ever doubt that fact ..
Just believe it blindly , trust me ..
I always know what I'm talking about ha ha ha ..

The slight crispness of the al dente Spiralized Zucchini is such a comforting wholesome tasty bite ..
And feels so so satisfying ..
With just the right zing of naughtiness from that crazy Mulagapodi powder..
I love it ..
You just have to try this, with tonnes of love from , "Maria's Kitchen'...

Monday, May 9, 2016


So it's been a really long time ..
Since I wrote..
Or was excited to do something new..

Mostly because I have become just plain lazy or then , nothing was really exciting me enough...
Till Vivaan called me one day and asked me to make him a Nutella cheese cake ..
Now the thing is , Vivaan is not just someone, I really love..
He is someone I know since he was a little embryo in his Mama's tummy..
I have seen him from his diapers to his cool shorts.
He is adorable, full of manners, has swag , is a nimble footed foot baller ..
And he has an added advantage..
He is Mini's little boy ..
And that's an advantage he will have, for the rest of my life..

I was seriously tickled pink that he called me, and very politely asked, if I could make him a Nutella cheese cake..
I was so happy, that he felt that he could just call and ask, like you would with someone , you treat as your own..
It made me feel really really happy..
Like Mini and me have done something right together.
I have always maintained that kids are the best and purest part of any relationship..
And that's the part, we have to always keep free from all outside influences..

Well I had never made a Nutella cheese cake before , and so I was game.
This had bloody better be damn good, because kids are honest with what they like or dislike and , I think it's best that way..

So I googled a bit and finally found two three recipes, that made sense to me and , so I decided to do a trial before his birthday, so there are no last minute shocks or disappointments..
I sent him half a cake for tasting.
While the other half was devoured by the ZZ's and my parents.
Vivaan called me a day later, saying he loved it..
And so I was given the complete pleasure of doing Vivaan's 13th birthday cake.
Which I really want to share with you, its easy, a bit lightly complicated, but just follow the instructions..
So sometimes in life you need to follow the rules, most other times, if you do , you miss all the fun...

So here is Vivaan's 13th Birthday Cake..
For a little man, who is just the nicest little fellow I know..
And thank you for waking me from my kitchen slumber ..

Vivaan Kabir...

HAPPY 13th BIRTHDAY VIVAAN, stay blessed and happy...



8 digestive biscuits
4 Oreo  or Bourbon biscuits
3 tbsp of melted butter

Put all the biscuits in a zip lock bag and with a wooden rolling pin, crush the biscuits together , they will be kind of sticky because of the cream in the biscuits.
Pour it out in a bowl , add the butter and mix till it looks like wet sand.
Taken a pan and line the sides of it with a little butter and then grease proof or butter paper, this makes the un-moulding  process easier.
Press this mix at the bottom of a spring form pan , one that has a removable base .
Press it down with a spoon , so the base is nice and firm..
Put this into the fridge for a minimum of half an hour..

Filing for the Cheesecake
12 gm - gelatin leaves or sheets
180 gm - cream cheese
90 ml - Amul cream
2 - eggs
1 tsp - Vanilla essence
80 gm - sugar
I small box Ferrero Rocher's chocolate
290gm -  Nutella

Mix the cream cheese and the Amul cream together, till soft and batter like..
Dissolve the gelatin crystals in 2 tbsp of boiling water, add it to the cream cheese..
Keep it aside, stirring from time to time, till it is about setting.

Place the egg yolks , vanilla essence and 50 gm sugar in a bowl, and cook it over a Bain Marie or a pot of hot water also known as a double boiler, till it becomes a pale yellow colour, and is nice and thick, take it off the fire, and continue beating it till it becomes cold, add this to the cream cheese mix.

Now in a separate bowl, beat the egg whites really stiff, then keep adding 1tsp of sugar to the stiff egg-whites, till they convert to a meringue consistency. I did this because I liked the texture and the consistency , its thick yet very light.
Add this to the cream cheese, egg yolk and gelatin mix, fold it in carefully.

Now take the base out of the fridge and add the roughly chopped Ferrero Rocher's chocolates on the base, pour a little of the cream cheese mix onto it.
Then pour half the bottle of the Nutella on to the mix, and stir it around with a tooth pick.
Then add the remaining cheese cake mix, and let it rest for about 15 minutes, then take it out pour the remaining of the hazelnut from the bottle onto the top of the cream cheese cake, put it back in for 10 minutes, then with a fork, just very lightly, whirl the Nutella into the cheese mix very lightly.
Now let it rest in the fridge for at least 5 hours , till the cheese cake is firm and ever so slightly wobbly, and can hold its shape, so that's its easy to slice.

I made this again a few days later, and while I was alone in my kitchen, I was thinking to myself, like I often do...

I feel in life, that NOW is just always the best time ...
To learn or do something new...
To say sorry...
To say thank you...
To say please... &...
To say "I love you" ..
I think now comes with its own "Super Power"
It's like the Star Wars Saber sword, that lights up with amazing amount of energy that makes things happen...

But I also realise that if you are in the now, it's not necessary that the person you are addressing all your energy to, is on the same page as you..

So Newton's third law of Physics , does not apply here..
For every action, there has to be an equal and opposite action..
This applies to motion .

But in Life, its a bit different..
For every action there is an equal or unequal amount of reaction, or then sometimes nothing at all..

So lets figure this out, together..

If I want to learn something new, me and only me can make that happen..
Like I want to learn Kashmiri food..
So I'm trying my best to make that happen..

But if I'm going to address my "please, sorry, thank you and I love you" to someone else, then I am expecting , an acknowledgment back ..
Right ?

Like a perfect scenario ,would probably feel like like this ..

1-please may I ?
- yes you may/no I'm so sorry you may not !

2-I'm so sorry for
- it's OK don't do it again/ it's not OK at all, I don't want to have anything to do with you..

3-Thank you so much
- Oh , don't mention it / that's really nice of you to thank me, very few people do.

4- I love you
- Oh my God, I love you too / err I love you, but not in the way , you love me ..
So on and so forth..

So these are ideal situations , and yes I feel that that's how we would like situations in our life to unfurl..
But then what if it does not ..

What if no one responds to our "please, sorry, thank you and I love you" ?
Are they bad people... ?

I don't think so , I think their "now" is not coinciding with our "now", that's all...
And no matter how hard it is to make sense, you are just going to have to make peace with it...

Have I confused you enough..?
Great ! Because I'm confused myself..

So while I was sitting alone at night and eating a fully loaded piece of acceptable sin...
I was thinking of what my very wise and practical friend Mini once said to me ..

She once told me , that sometimes I have a Calvin and Hobbes relationship with some people...
(Frankly I totally love Calvin and Hobbes, and one day I will build myself a transmogrifier and ..
Well the rest of the plans I'm absolutely not sharing with you ha ha ha)
Well if you do not understand what 'A Calvin and Hobbes relationship is..
Let me decode it for you..
It means that , the other person is not real and what he/she says to you or how he/ she behaves with you, is just a figment of your really fertile imagination...
Which basically means
1.You are nuts..
2.Have lost your marbles
3.Probably need help
4.You are cuckoo, but not the feathered variety.
5..Just need a slice of this delicious Nutella Cheese cake..

So then if you want to ever figure, a relationship status,  you need to apply the "Now Formula", to save yourself time for bigger better things that are just waiting for you ..
This helps you figure , in the words of an amazing funny fellow Sagittarius Jaaved Jaffrey, if that person in your life is "Real or Na-Real' ha ha ha ..

So depending what situation you are in or think you are in..
You say Please, Sorry, Thank-you or I Love You..
And wait, if your now is not coinciding with their now, you may be able to deduce 2 things..
1. Maybe you are not priority.
2. Maybe you are again reaching out to Hobbes, who is alive only when no one else is around and so safe to say, is not part of your real world, and so is Na-Real..
Ha ha ha ha....

I think it's just better to eat cake sometimes, than try to figure life.
If any of you out there, take part in the 'Now' , I hope it goes all fantastic..

I meanwhile , am just going to hang a while longer, with my really yummy, delicious, hazelnut filled slice of heaven..
With lots of love from "Maria's Kitchen "...

Vivaan Kabir's 13th Birthday Cake...
P.S. I don't have any picture of a cross section of this cake, as it was devoured..