GOOD-BYE MY TAZ...TILL WE MEET AGAIN..

Ninja and Betty-Boo..

And so on the 27th of November 2000, he came bounding into our lives.
A little black shiny pup ,born in my bathroom , to my beautiful golden Retriever Betty Boo and my boxer Ninja who was actually a poet .

Ninja.Migi.Warsi

Betty-Boo. Bing.Warsi

We were out having dinner,when Betty Boo began giving birth and as soon as my help called and said, "Shhhhabji Beeeti ki Bacha hua, kala hain"

We quickly wrapped up my friend Chopie's birthday dinner and drove home like Schumi..
By the time we did reach , the third pup was on its way.
Meanwhile Betty Boo, sat in my bathroom , and wagged her tail as she saw me, and I sat with her as she gave birth to 7 beautiful pups. They were in my palms as soon as she ate up the birth sack.
She was absolutely comfortable with me holding her new born pups.
And looking at all seven of them , sleeping in a little basket eyes closed and cuddled , 4 black and 3 fawn coloured was my greatest joy.
7   Sagittarius puppies, you can just imagine the mayhem..

The most crazy fun time..

It was so difficult to let go..

And so started the madness, 7 puppies and two full grown dogs at home ..
Of course all the pups had to be given away, I could not be keeping 7 of them , and I chose the one I wanted to keep, she was a light fawn and a ball of fat and was sooooo cute , I was In love with her.
And Arshad chose the one he wanted,

 

Arshad and Taz..

He was black, very very naughty, was big, yipped a lot and had an "A" on his chest.
After about a month of the pups being with us , it was now time for them to go .
And I wanted none of them to actually go.
But as we could not keep 9 canines, I decided that I would pick a particular day and time and all my friends who had made their choice of pups, had to come and collect them , because giving one everyday was just too heart breaking.
And so between 11-1pm on a Sunday , all the pups finally left.
Arshad was adamant that the black pup stays, and I was totally heartbroken.

 

The Monsti puppy ..

The one I wanted went to a family with 4 kids, infact they took 2 pups, that I visited for quite some time.
Arshad's black fellow with the "A" on his chest stayed with us.

I did not like him ,and wanted nothing to do with him, and just stayed away from him for a bit.
But he was really naughty and charming simultaneously and after sometime, he just followed me and Betty-Boo around , depending on who is feeding him or cuddling him.
He loved to be loved and was crazily fiesty.

And soon the trio of Betty-boo, Ninja and Taz was what my day was made off..
I took them everywhere I could, they went swimming at Juhu beach every time I was not shooting, and went with me sometimes to my MTV sets when I was.
They have travelled with me to my home in Vasai by trains and jumped into rickshaws with me too.

Little pretty Betto-Boo..

I lost Betty Boo in 2005, she had a large heart, not good I believe in a canine's world, I knew when she fell ill in Dec that she did not have long to live, on the 25th when I went for mass, I looked at her and asked her to not leave before Christmas dinner, she loved roasted chicken, and I fed her all she wanted on the day , on the 28th , she breathed her last in my arms, I saw the light go out of her brown eyes...
Not a good place to be..

2 years later in 2007, I lost Ninja..

On 15th December again on a December morning ..
He too had a large heart ..

Pouting with the pout himself..Ninja..

And since then every December, I used to get a bit paranoid, I used to scrutinise every move of Taz and a visit to his vet was mandatory, all his blood tests etc and saw to it that he was fine.

He was a mad , big, scoundrel and I loved him.

My love..

His coat shone a black blue and he just looked like a panther sometimes to me, with that shining black coat, and those cute eyes that I loved so completely.
He was very clear that my hair should never be tied and so every time I wore a pony Tail, he would have no peace till he pulled the band out, and ran around with it , with me chasing him.
Garlic used to drive him nuts and he would pounce on it and bark at it ..
He grew up with Betty-Boo and Ninja, and so learned the ropes of eating and where to do what really fast .
He did not like people who were dressed shabbily and barked at them .
He just ran with Betty-Boo and Ninja everywhere.
And would cuddle up with me and sleep, and then in the middle of the night, would jump off and cuddle with Betty-Boo his mum, between the two of us, he was a much loved and spoilt brat .
Ninja used to bark at him when he behaved badly , and he would quietly sit down and hang his head, and then Betty-Boo would come and get in the middle and lick Ninjas face and take the prancing brat away, I think he almost always had a naughty smirk on his face, and those eyes, they were the cutest, just like his mom and dad.

And then one day in 2002 , when I got back from hosting the ICC Champions Trophy in Sri Lanka after a month, these three came to greet me at the door , and while they were all on me,and I was holding them and petting them, Taz and Ninja got into their first fight.
So they were fighting about who is going to be the Alpha male of the pack.

And so started a series of fights so horrible, that it came to a point that I had to give Taz away.
Because he was a beast full of muscle and used it, and Ninja my loving docile Boxer, was always left a mess, with me screaming and crying in the middle and Arshad trying to break them up.
It's horrible watching two souls you love, fighting in this horrific manner. Taz always left Ninja mauled and badly injured.
Taz was fighting over me, he would not allow Ninja to come near me, and would get into a fight with him, every time Ninja walked to me.
I was advised to give him away, he was very young and would get used to a new family , also he never ever harmed humans .
So we found a place for him in Pune, and he was scheduled to go .

The boy I could not let go off, until I had no option, but let him go..

But I just could not let him go , so I built a door between my two floors and kept them all together upstairs when I was down , and they were fine together, or then separated the boys and spent time with them separately.

The boys being scolded...

After Betty-Boo went away , then Taz and Ninja spent a lot more time together, and calmed down a bit, but then my Ninja too left and it was just Taz and me.

We went for many walks together, and he would growl at any dog that wagged their tail at me , or that wanted to be petted by me, even if this was his friend otherwise.
This is exactly what triggered the fights at home.
He was terribly possessive and just wanted me to himself.
And so I just walked with my Taz Tigi alone , and stuck to him , talked to him, played ball and hide and seek and we were the happiest.
He was my running partner and was a beautiful big strong fella, I always felt safe with him, he was my angel and my love all rolled into one.

After Ninja passed away, he took up permanent residence by my side and under the dining table where I fed the kids, infact it was almost funny, every time I called Zeke for lunch , dinner or snack , and carried Zene to her seat that was attached to the coffee table in my kitchen.
Taz would run into the kitchen and sit under it, facing Zene.
Zene was about eight months, and wanted to sit in her own seat and feed herself and was just about eating everything, and so as she fed herself and dropped a lot of food, Taz just gobbled everything that fell off from her hands , from her lap and under the table,
It was a beautiful synergy , I had the cutest vacuum cleaner and everyone was happy.

Taz was playful and has never ever harmed any person ever, but I think he used to get the most fiendish delight in scaring people.
I remember this one time, there was a journalist interviewing Warsi, and he just came right next to her and started growling a low growl , and every time I shouted at him , he would look at me twitch his eyes in that Tazzy way and wag his tail.

I never ever grew up a dog person, I was that kid who was most petrified of dogs, I was the kid that got bitten by one.
So they were just not my thing
But Betty-Boo , Ninja and Taz changed my life for the better.
They say that till you have loved a dog, a part of your soul lies unawakened and that is the truest thing I have experienced.

I love Taz, I will always be more partial to him .
He is my baby, my boy, my protector and guardian angel .
And there is a place in my heart that will always stay his, no matter what, just like I know I occupied his whole heart

His kisses were the best..

He loved me to bits.
I was his person, and he was my love.

I remember him sleeping out side my room at night and barking if the lift even passed my floor, the kids and me were never worried with him around us.
I felt safe with him around me.
He was not the kind of animal you wanted to mess with , if you did not know him.
He looked bloody ferocious to everyone, and when people would say , please tie him up, I just understood .

But I never tied Taz up, he mostly just always sat right next to me.
He was my mad , crazy, loving, Tazzy puppy.
He was full of love and was always trying to fit into my lap along with Zeke and Zene, because he never really knew how big he was, and he would look at me with a sad look, hang his head and make sad eyes, and till he did not shove his big face into my lap with the kids, he just grumbled and kept trying.

We used to sit watching cartoons like this and eat pop-corn together.
Zeke and Zene , knew him as their older doggy brother, and that's how they introduced him as to everyone till Zeke turned about 8.
He was my shadow, my lamb , my love and my hug.
He was the pup who was as hungry as me always and was always up and about for anything at anytime, my Sagittarius companion ready for any adventure .

Two years ago , on my birthday, he fell terribly ill.
So ill, that I thought I was losing him .(So the blog before this was written at that time)
But I guess he was not yet ready to leave and we nursed him back to health.
He had severe Arthritis and because he was a big burly fellow , his legs giving way was not the nicest thing to happen.
Sometimes I just lay him on a mat and carried him down , sometimes he walked.
But he miraculously got better , with a whole lot of medicines and steroids.
I don't think he was ready to leave yet and I was definitely not willing to let him go.
I really wanted him to get better and just live normally, eat, walk, bark and sleep, that's all.
And he slowly got better.
I began to understand his frail body better and every time there was a change in weather , I knew we had to just take extra care of Taz .

Fortunately for me, last year on the 3rd of Jan 2015, he moved with us into our new home, 10 Casa Zen.

He was always with me while I shot..

Here he had a ground to run and a big place to walk around, but he never ran, but he did get better here, because he walked a lot on his own, he would follow me wherever I went , and would bark if he did not see me and would call out till I said, "Stop it, Tiggi you know I'm here"
He would basically hang everywhere I hung , even while I shot , the camera men and the entire crew knew that he would find his way somewhere really close to me to hang, he loved my kitchen, he loved good food and so we fed him , baked chicken , till he went away.

He could not climb up stairs anymore and so knew that at the end of the day , when I went upstairs , he would sit on his carpet and sleep.

So Zeke and me wake up early for a run, and always eat a banana, before we leave, and so Taz was fed a banana every morning too.
He then had a French toast , followed by his Chicken for lunch and dinner and in-between everything that he ate.

10, Casa Zen misses you my Taazu...

In November last year, he again fell very ill.
His arthritis had kicked in again and he was not able to get up.
But he had a fighting spirit of a samurai warrior and as long as he did not give up on himself , there is no way I was going to let him go without a fight.
He also had a growth on his back an abscess that was bacterial, that in the past two years had grown four times its size, but I would keep getting it tested and that was that.
Taz turned 15 on the 27th of November 2015, I was not sure if he would make it till then.

Our vet had spoken to me on and off about euthanasia , but how do you take a pet that is eating, barking, sits up and looks at you , all other bodily functions working .
I could not.
So I walked with him when I could and carried him in a carpet in times he could not, he also stayed for my birthday that is on the 8th of December, I gave him all he would have liked to eat.
His abscess had started giving him trouble and I think the weight of it, stopped him from being able to walk.
And we could do nothing about it, we could not take it out two years ago either, because, Dr.Karkare said that he may not be able to make it back from anaesthesia, and so I had no choice but let him live without taking it out and watch it grow.

And in the midst of all this chaos of taking him for his morphine patch and keeping him pain free , I meet Aarti a dog whisperer, because of my friend Sambo, and that was really the most beautiful experience.
I don't know if you have heard of animal whisperers, but they can communicate with animals and if you even for a second think that animals have no feeling or do not understand what is going on , let me tell you, they are far more evolved than you and me and definitely far far nicer.
Getting Aarti to communicate with him and the stuff he shared and felt, is something I will cherish with me forever, I'm blessed to have met her when I did, so along with his daily medicines, he was also on a Bach flower rescue remedy.

I loved sitting with him, I used to just talk to him and he would just look at me and at times , when I went quiet, he would bark as if to say , why have you stopped, talk some more.

So I did.
Some times, the kids and me would just make our beds around him and sleep around him.
I knew he was going.
I just did not know when.
It was very sad to see Taz not being able to run around, but he was happy , he ate food with great Gusto till the very end.

On the 24th, his abscess was not good at all, l took him to the vet, Dr.Karkare looked at it and said,"It's not going to get better Maria, you have to let him go".
I knew that, but I was just not being able to , because Taz would still sit up and look at me or lie down and bark for me to sit next to him.
So the bacteria in his absccess has gotten really bad , and the doctor said, that it was now festering and he would be in pain.
So I asked Dr. Karkare, if I could take him home and get him on the 26th at 9 am..
I gave him his painkillers, and we were home, he did not walk on the24th at all.
But walked with me on the 23rd, that was the last time he walked.

So on the 24th , I continued baking my meringue and kept talking to Taz who was sitting in the hall.
The kids and me went for mass, and after we got back, we cut our brownie cake and all wished each other Merry Christmas.
Taz was up and about, so he got a bite too.
I was just happy to see him eat .
We slept by 1 probably, the next morning I was up and had some more Meringue to bake and a red velvet to cut and cream, so I got busy with that .
So the whole home got busy , and Taz being Taz was barking for someone to come sit and talk to him as he was completely unable to get up.
Once the food was done and the kitchen was cleared, all the gifts went under the tree, I just wanted Taz to have a nice bath.
So that's what I did, completely showered and shampooed him till he smelt like a little pup and his fur was all soft and shiny black and grey.
He looked so sweet, though frail.

Post his Christmas bath..

Christmas lunch as usual was a lot of fun, and everyone petted Taz and talked to him .
By 8 pm, lunch finally wound up.
I had a 9 am appointment with Taz's vet, the next day , that I had no intention of keeping.
The whole house slept.
The next day we went about with our chores and the cleaning of our home as usual.
The dreaded 9 am had passed, and Taz and the home continued with our day.
I just behaved like I had never made that appointment.
I cleaned Taz , applied medication on him and tried to feed him , he did not really eat the whole day.
He drank a bit of water and I just hung with him on his carpet.
Vijay (my house help who has looked after Taz for about 10 years ) and me were figuring what we should make for Taz for dinner and how to keep him fine.
I told him I'm not being able to take Taz to put him down.

At around 6 pm, I went to change Taz's dressing, and realised that the place where the abscess had burst, was not closing up , and there were 2 other  places that were not looking good at all.
I cleaned him put his medicine and the finality of his situation just hit me like a ton of bricks.

We were both hanging on to each other for dear life.
And nothing else mattered.
I was completely torn, I knew that if I did not take him to Dr.Karkare, his abscess would give way a little bit everyday , till he is gone, and he would go slowly in a miserable way.
And no, I did not want him to be in any pain.

I called Dr. Karkare , I told him I'm bringing Taz in.
We all just sat around Taz and petted him , spoke to him , said our good-byes, and sobbed.
`

I think , the thought of a part of him going a bit everyday , till he completely gave into his suffering, is something that I did not want for my beautiful, black, brave, loving , possessive Taz.

I gave in.
I was taking him to be euthanised .
I don't think I have ever come to a place , where I have actually let go of someone, because I loved him so deeply, that the only way to continue loving , is to let him go.
I have often read about letting go of someone you love .
But this, this was the real fucking thing.
And I hated it.
I talked to Aarti and told her I'm taking him to the clinic.

Vijay and I took Taz, we wrapped him in a soft blanket , I sat with him in the boot and just softly cried.
He just pushed and shoved his way around, till he had his head in my lap.
My cousin Penny Ann was spending the day with me and she accompanied me to the clinic.
In retrospect I'm glad she was there.
She was like a little calm pillar of silent strength.

Taz was very calm, I think he knew, his eyes looked beautiful and he looked at me with great love.
I just kept talking to him in my happiest voice, Dr.Amrita who was going to administer his injection, gave me a few papers to sign, that I did very calmly .
She told me to take my time.
Which I did.

I then just sat with Taz.
Yes,God did give me two extra years with him, he did not take him when he was terribly ill two years ago , and now it was time for me to return him back to his keeper, without him suffering.

Taz.Tigi.Warsi chose me , I did not choose him.
He chose me to love him, and unknowingly I slowly did,with my whole heart and soul.
He is definitely my soul mate.
He completed me and made me braver and more loving than I am.
He taught me , that when you really and truly love someone , you will let them go one day, not because you want them to, but because they deserve a better place.

And Taz did deserve to be able to run, bark, chase birds, run through flowers, swim in the sea, chase waves and be pain free.
I wanted all this for him and more.
I held him and he just put his head in the nape of my neck , I hugged him tight .
And I just sobbed internally and then talked to him happily , I said ."Bye my Poppy , you are my little Tiggi, I love you the most and I always will".

 I kissed him a lot, he smelt like the puppy, I held in my bathroom fifteen years ago, black as night, my Betty-Boo and Ninja's baby, I hugged him and told Dr.Amrita , she could go ahead.He just kept sleeping in my arms, and softly passed away.

I miss these eyes looking at me and this wet nose..

Barking at the crows, was his favourite pass-time..

 I felt calm, relieved, happy and totally heart-broken simultaneously.
My little Monster-Puppy..
My Love,Taz.Tigi.Warsi.
Left to run free and happy 26th December 2015, 7.51pm..
He is now a little Shiny Ebony Angel, and I'm sure he is running amuck through daisy fields and chasing butterflies and jumping into rivers..
And that is what makes us both happy..

I MISS YOU TAZZY
I ALWAYS WILL...

With me at every step..