TANTE MARIE - WEEK 9-FINAL EXAMS..21st NOV 2011....

Week 9 -EXAMS...21st nov 2011

Sunday was really fantastic, Olly and Ally picked me up and we headed to their place in Guilford..
It was a lovely day and they have a beautiful family and a pretty home, two dogs running around , wonderful friendly warm parents...
And there was one path that we were passing that was so beautiful , and then Olly says that "the holiday " was shot there...
No wonder it was gorgeous ...
We made a list of what we wanted to make for the day and then went shopping for all the ingredients...
And because we could not find our "chined rack of lamb", we went in search of it and came across this beautiful place called " secrets" that was having this Christmas fair, so Olly and me sauntered around , tasted all the free pies and cakes and some mulled wine and did a bit of shopping and then went back ...
Love hanging with her, she is adorable and eats as much as me and is sweet and so much fun ..
Post our little escapade, we cooked like Santas elves, we made, rack of lamb, coq au vin, profiteroles , tart aux fruits and cheese cake, we finished ,famished in the evening and happy that we have practiced enough ...
I was happy to have spent the day with them , it was fun and relaxing and I was waiting for my practical exams ....
Then before I went to sleep , I was introduced to a song I love , by my at the moment favourite singer Michael Buble, singing , " all I want for Christmas"....
My day just could not get better than this, went off to sleep with a big fat smile..

Day 1-final practical exams ...

Monday could not have broken better than this, I woke up really early, listened to music, went through all my recipes and got ready for class , with my uniform all ironed and raring to go ...
Exams ...gosh I really detest exams, and realised I'm no longer good at them ...
But I was happy cooking and so was waiting for this ...
Went to class, met Ally and Olly and we giggled and were so happy to have practiced all our stuff...

Andrew our principal came in and gave us our menu for the day ..
Baked chicken, potato, leek and broccoli mash and cheese cake ...

Not bad at all...
So within some time we were ready in our kitchens cooking away ..
Baked chicken is something I have done so many times..that it's not even funny...
Think it's the first dish I learnt from my mum, it's something I make when I'm in doubt...or suddenly have guests over and need to whip up something...

I prepped and stuffed and trussed, the damn bird and put it in the oven at 190 degrees...
Was feeling good , but utterly stressed, another reason why I cook for pleasure and leisure and would die of stress if I had to cook on a competition , where you have to prove a point ...
Well, to make a long story short...
My exam dish did not go as well as I thought it would ..
Baked chicken , something I have done for most of my life , went all wrong , if you ask me what went wrong , well , at this point of time , frankly , I don't want to talk about it ...
But I was a mess post my exams ..
I was in utter shock and on the verge of tears...
Something that I completely love and do because I love cooking so much , was just not as fantastic as I expected ..
Today was the day that I had to prove a point and I was a mess..
Guess it's also a big lesson in life ..
Don't be too sure of anything , because even stuff that you are completely familiar with , can suddenly go all wrong and different ...
Post my exams, I went out of the kitchen and onto the road outside and cried my eyes out...
I cried so much that I thought I would never stop...sobbed till I choked,, my glasses were blurred and I was just back to being a little girl in a chef uniform in a complete mess..
Baked Chicken...I got it wrong ...and the most perfect day for a complete disaster, my final exams...
If my mum knew . I think she would laugh in disbelief...
But ...I messed up my exams ... And then instead of serving 4 little cheese cakes, I for some reason served three little circles, because it looked better, don't know what I was thinking ..
I am not good with exams , I have realised , they stress me out, cut the blood supply to my brain and make me paranoid ..
I'm no longer the girl that used to max my exams ..
I'm no longer the class topper ...
And guess that's how it's meant to be ...
I have not been sadder or more upset in these two months like I was today...have cried sooooo much that my eyes are swollen and red ...
This is what I was here for and I mucked up the most important day in these two months ...
Why ? Why?why?
But I must say, today when I was down , I saw friends in my class rally around me ...
Sweet cute Katie, came and gave me a tight hug ...she was such a doll...felt so nice and warm ..
Amanda...ate the chicken when it was rectified and said she liked it , it was good..she just kept telling me that it's gonna be ok ...
Joe was so sweet and encouraging ...
Ally and Olly were sooo sweet and kept encouraging me and all the three of us laughed and told one another all the stuff we messed up with...
Tom gave me a tight hug ...that boy is too cute, warm , helpful and friendly and just felt like I was amongst people I could be at home with ..
Never felt so nice with all of my colleagues like I felt today ..
Felt so good today , not been hugged and felt so close to all like I felt today ..
They all rallied around ...
Felt so nice inspite of how €$¥%#^* I was feeling ...
It's only when you are down that you can actually know, who are the people who care for you ...
Then came back home to Eve's and called Maja who was not well, she is a complete doll...she Said ," Maria I feel for you " and that's all I needed, someone to be there...
We can't always be perfect, I went all wrong today, the day I was to go all right ...
I don't know why ..would have liked to present the perfect meal , but did not ...
I'm upset, horribly upset, I have cried so much , but know my tears cannot rectify anything ..
And so I have to let this go ...I would like to have this day again , so that I could be perfect, but guess it was not mention to be ...
I need to live a bit in doubt, like a dear friend once told me, if you live your life comfortably, with no insecurity it's like being dead , there is nothing to do or make better...
I'm upset...very very...
But today was a bad day...
I know I cook from my heart..with lots of love and make good food ...and enjoy cooking and will not stop...
Am going to put today's disaster behind me and walk on..
Yes I wish I made the perfect meal for my Cordon Bleu Exams , but I did not...I DID NOT..there I said it aloud , but I'm not going to let it get my spirit down, a bad day does not make your life all awry..
You get up and walk and make it better, you learn from your mistakes.. And I'm sure something fantastic will happen out of today's disaster in the kitchen...
Just want to rewind the clock but cannot ...
So am going to make the most of my remaining days here @Tante Marie...
And cook my heart out and have fun ....
And will remember not to do anything that has exams involved anymore , because I'm not good with them anymore...
But thank God for today,because found people that care for me and happy about that...
Yes would love to be the best at what I do, but a bad day does not make all I have put into this all bad...

Just wanna say..
Dear Chicken,
I'm sorry that I had to cook you, nothing personal about you, just wish you cooked like I expected you to ...
Was so upset with you, that did not want to bite into you and was seriously thinking of turning vegetarian ...

But in hindsight .....guess what you put down on paper, does not always happen in real life ...
I came back to Eve , and poured my heart out to her and Ralph ...
She could not believe I messed my exams ...
Have cooked for them quite a lot ...
And they were too cute and supportive ..

Anyway made plans with Maja to watch "Twilight "and taking Eve and Ralph for an Indian meal..
As for me , today I'm gonna be spending time with the man I'm completely addicted to ...
"Michael Buble"... I have fallen hook , line and sinker for his song , "all I want for Christmas " have been listening to it since yesterday ..
So guys, we all mess up ,I messed up big big big time, but I know, that what I'm taking back from Tante Marie is more than anyone can imagine...
I love cooking and food and experimenting and am not going to let this " very big set-back" get me down ...no not me ...
I'm gonna use this experience, to know not take anything for granted ...
Anything and everything could change without a warning ..
Just know, in life have faced bigger problems than "perfectly baking a chicken...."
So will walk on ...and keep doing what I love...
Making yummy food and feeding people and feeling fantastic , every time I see their faces breaking into smiles...
And know, too err is human , but to leave your past behind is divine ...
I can't undo today...
But can make the most of my tomorrow and the rest of my days here at the wonderful and fantastic Tante Marie ...looking forward to spending time with Maja, Katie, Olly, Ally, Amanda, Tom, Sam , Joe and Martin ...
And all our wonderful Chefs Nick, Vera, Kate, Tim, Al and Ally ....
I thank you for all that I have learned from you , And never going to forget my time here at Tante Marie ...
Andrew and Mrs.A...you have been wonderful ...

Like my friend Sambo wrote to me this morning, "Listen Maria, u know passing & failing have absolutely no relevance. Its the journey to your goal that really matters. How and with what intention you travel. This is a lesson for u to learn that perfection doesn't exist!!! WE STILL LOVE U & ABOVE ALL LOVE YOUR COOKING.....SO GET YOUR ASS BACK & START COOKING...HERE'S TO LOTS OF HAPPINESS INDULGENCE FRIENDS PARTIES & CELEBRATION"

Well I could cry some more or then like Ritambhara said "This was a beautiful experience so treat it like that,you are better for having gone through this,not many people can truly follow their dreams like you have, so be proud of that, and the experience and fun cannot be matched" .

And like my friend Mini said to me,"Haaahaaa , I can't wait for your food , even if it's not cooked on time , you serve food in your house at 3.30 am, we never complain, we give you distinction na "

And then Warsi said," do you think we won't eat your food, just because you did not do well in your final exams, do we go to a restaurant and ask for the report card of the chef, before we eat his meal....ha ha ha ..."
Well I cannot argue with that ..

Thank you all...you made me feel better on a day that I have not felt worse ...
Needed the biggest, tightest, bone-crunching hug....
And felt it from all of you ...felt surrounded by love and care...
Know that when you down, you know who really cares for you ...
And know when you down the only way is up ...

So with yesterday behind me , and so much love and everyone back home waiting for me and all eager to taste the feast that I'm waiting to prepare...
I say hello to a brand new day ...,
Now how many are blessed enough to follow their dream ...
Well thank you God !!!