From my kitchen to yours

From my kitchen to yours

Sunday, January 29, 2012

ME...



Today felt ...
like I have come to rest ..
Spent the whole of last year running around the world and in my head..
I travelled around the world and swam in the sun..
And walked in biting cold..
Till I was all done..
Made so many friends..
And plans to travel far and wide..
Some places I went to...
Some stuff did not ever materialize...
Some people I just met for a little while..
While some will always stay..
Forever and a day...

It's funny ...but I know I should never make plans..
Because I'm part of a big story , part of this play and try as I may, to re-write my part..
The fact is ! The one above...has already written my role..
And given me what's best for me ...
Whether it's what I always wanted or that what I have yet to experience in me..
Well I have to be the best I can...in this role of life that I have in hand...

So I stay in the wings and when it's time for me to walk on stage...
I walk on with a big broad smile on my face..
I say my lines , I twirl and sing...
And in my head and heart thank God..
That I got through this day as best as I could...

Sometimes, we are told to improvise...
Now that's a test , we always face in time..
Where we meet new characters or people we already knew..
But in new avatars ..that throw us a bit askew...
What we do with this time...
Is what tells us, truly who we are...

I have changed , inside- out, upside-down...360 degrees...or more..
That's something we all do...

And I like and respect this new heart ,soul and mind of mine ..
Though sometimes it's very different from what I used to feel ..
I feel I have very little time left ..and so want it spent with the ones I love the most...
I can't do games...
I hate running around a bush...
Well all that happens with that...is that at some point the game ends and you feel all disoriented running around the bend..

So yes, just want to say what's in my heart, my mind and soul..
And when that is done ,I can sit with my self alone..
Feel solace, feel love...
Feel like I have shared what I feel ,and yes , finally know, it's never about the other..
It's always about me...
Sometimes feel like i'm the only one who has ever felt this way at all...

But all that now happens ..
Is because , this is meant to be..
So I sit and wait patiently for a new day to unfold..
And know it will be full of surprises and beautiful things..
Loved ones, kids, friends and plenty of my own meanderings..

I'm making no more plans...
I'm running no more..
I just walking up my mountain , in a slow and steady pace..
With the music I love playing in my heart and mind..
What else do I need..
God has more than fantastically provided for me..

I walk on, I keep my face in the sun..
And when the sun sets...
And the moon shines in all it's delight..
I reach the top ,to arms open wide...

And under the twinkly stars, we sit and share..all our life's secrets without a care..
So until the sun shines again..
Will smile with love pouring out of my heart...hoping for another beautiful day ...
With loving eyes looking into mine...
And a gaze that makes me feel , loved ,and I don't need no words ...
But just this moment in time ...

Sunday, January 22, 2012

BE...





I think I should run away .. sometimes I need to go and sit alone on a distant shore ..
Just hang with the rain falling on my face and waves lapping at my feet at their own languid caressing pace..
Need to listen to my heart beat ,
And make some sense of what I feel and what I'm doing ..
Sometimes life just has it's own way of standing like a smiling stranger in your path..
I'm still wondering who I am ...
Should I walk forward ,smile and hang a while ..
Should I sit ...
Just sometimes feel complete bliss ...


Have been thinking of people in my life I have met ...
Who are no longer here...
But have left me tons of love and guidance instead ..
Have said things to me I could not really fathom , because I was too caught up with the cobwebs in my head ..

Today I feel a different light ..
It's luminous and wraps me in moments that make me face what I cannot escape ..
Colours of the rainbow that's what I see..
And am faced with reality ...
A face so clear is beaming back at me ..

I love that I can love , with my whole heart and soul..
And give all I have ..
Till my spirit has soared ..
But it also frightens me a bit ..
This new heart of mine...
This person bursting out is someone I never knew ..
So I'm taken aback , by who she is and what she holds..
Feel shy and bold , trusting and willing to walk a mile or more , up a path I don't really know ..
I'm gonna be running up the mountain and down a hill .. Swim a bit and lie still ..
Bathe in the moon-lite and run with the sun ..
And smile and talk till the day is done ..
And if you do think I'm crazy ..
I'm open to opinions, feel free , let me know !!
But right now I'm running...
To the ocean shore ..
Will sit in twilight ...
It's that time I love the most when the sky is ablaze in colours of gold ..
It scatters the earth with warm sparkling dust ...
And that where I wanna be ...
I must ...
Run my fingers into sand , pick up sea shells that have travelled the earth so well
To inhale the mist of the sea..to sometimes just close my eyes and be ...
To have and to hold ..
To stare into the setting sun ..just the two of us..
My heart and me ...

Saturday, January 21, 2012

ZEKE AND ZENE WALKED THE RAMP..FOR PAYAL SINGHAL...
















Yes , these are my kids, Zeke Zidaan and Zene Zoe..
And I thank them for helping me find myself...
They taught me to love as much as I can...and cry loudly when you get hurt ...
And I'm going with that for life...
And Thank you Payal Singhal for always making me feel so beautiful...
Your clothes are absolutely breathtakingly beautiful...but not half as beautiful as your heart ...
All the best always and forever....

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

COUNT AT LEAST UPTO .....9




Is it me or are there a few like me..
That jabber a lot ..
But when it comes to saying something that you want to say the most...
You just stutter and stop...
Or sometimes make such a mess of it all....
That instead of making it better..you just put up a wall...

I think that sometimes..
I need to stay quiet and say nothing at all...
Count ...at least up to ...9..
That's what I want to do this year...
But realise that either I blurt out all the wrong stuff..
or then I just sit , with a finger on my lip...

And stay that way..
Till I cant handle the silence in my heart no more..
And then blurt some insane stuff out , some more..
That I should never have ever said...or then , have thought of what to say a little before..

Is there no other way , to say what I want..without sometimes making a mess and then feeling complete distress..

I'm trying to understand why I do what I do..
Should I blame it on being Sagittarius...because that is true..
We are supposed to say what we feel...
and gallop around..
Half horse-Half man.. that's exactly what it's all about...
Peter-Pan that's my man, he refused to grow up...
and stayed back in Neverland..
But we all know , he does not exist, he is just a figment of someones very fertile imagination..
Like the stories I have made up in my head , that are totally amiss...

So where should I go...
Because sometimes feel I'm no different than Zeke and Zene...
they feel what they feel and say it like it is..
They eat when they are hungry, smile when they are happy, sleep when they are sleepy and cry when they are hurt..
And if I ask them whats bothering them, they spare no facts...
And that is so wonderful..
To be so straight like that..

I want to stay a kid..
and feel my way through life with my heart...
Say what I feel, but without hurting anyone...
Cross roads when I have to, jump over a puddle , only of I have to....
Sleep at the drop of a hat, which I sometimes do , when I want to..
And find joy in the simplest of things..
A worm on a leaf..
A star in the sky..
Chocolate in the fridge..
Mums high heel to try....
Drinking cold water..
An extra hour of tv..
Oh it feels soo good to be a little crazy...


So that's the plan..to help me walk the land..
I'm gonna aim for the moon , so that by default I reach at least the stars..
Laugh till tears roll down my cheeks and I cant breathe..
wake up some nights and stare at the moon..
And drink my green tea, just stupidly with a spoon..
I'm gonna eat, love, dance , pray , laugh and hug and feel insanely pretty ....
I'm just gonna stay and be the purest form of me...

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

DAY 61- LITTLE ARTIST'S SPECIAL BREAD-BUTTER PUDDING..




















And so on Sunday I went for my 1st Art exhibition ever..
And frankly , I'm glad that it was my first introduction, into the world of beautiful art, because i swear i have never seen such a pure display of heart felt colors in motion..

Zeke, Zene, Vivaan, Angaad, Kiara, Rihaan were some of the artists displaying their paintings , under the tender and patient nurturing of Sonali, who they have been with for some time now...
The kids had some of the sweetest work you could see..
Zeke and Zene have been working with 'Aunty Sonali for some time now...
Zeke much longer , while Zene like any younger sister would hang on the table and just be there throughout the class..
Asking tons of questions...frankly like most girls i know..

Till one day Aunty Sonali, gave her some paper and colours and we all realized that she has just been soaking in all that Zeke was being taught...

It was lovely ,the whole ambience..
The beautiful paintings, the little fingers pointing at their creations, the proud Mama's and a few of the Dada's...
Friends of the little artists...
All buzzing around like little bees...and I swear the paintings were really lovely...

And I must say that I went home with one of the best paintings at the show...
Why because 8 yr old Vivaan who is the son of my best friend Mini,painted it for me , for my birthday..
Its a painting of this man holding a baby...something that I saw in London ,and fell in love with on sight, a Lladro figure..
And Vivaan painted it for me...
Bless him...

So like all excited and enthusiastic mum's..
Everyone of us made a small batch of goodies for the 'Art Exhibition"..
Manasi bought sandwiches and chips that we all attacked..
Mini bought delicious brownies...
I made fudge, apple crumble and really easy hazelnut and chocolate bread puddings, in tiny molds , with some Creme Anglaise sauce...

Well , I have eaten bread pudding from the time I was a kid..and frankly its like French toast but , you can bake or steam it...
After eating bread pudding for years, and being completely fed up of it ...
I started making it a few years ago again...

It's only after becoming a mum .that I realized why I was fed this at most given occasions..
Well, it has eggs, milk and bread, as its main ingredients..

And If I can put all this in one morsel in my kids mouths, I'm a happy bunny..
Well as you all know ,I'm a chocoholic and my kids love Nutella , so I now add that to the recipe, also some orange juice and Cointreau for extra measure...

And it has such a comforting, wholesome and home taste to it..
That frankly its our home favorite..

So I am going to give you, my version of what I made for the kids...
You can also add a few nuts like almonds or pistas..it really tastes nice...


Ingredients..

Milk - 500ml
Butter - 100 gm
Eggs - 2 , plus 1 yolk
Sugar to taste...
Bread - 10 slices
Nutella - spread as much as you like in the middle of the bread, so that when you cut it into 6 pieces, every piece has a little nutella
Freshly squeezed orange juice
Cointreau if you feel like it..

Well I needed 1 slice of bread cut up into six squares for every one and a half little mold..
So fill your mold depending on its size...

METHOD
Pre heat oven to 180 degrees..

In a shallow vessel, mix the milk, eggs and sugar...
Melt the butter and add it to the above mix...
Add the juice of 1 freshly squeezed orange...
Add cointreau to your taste...
Smear 10 slices of bread with nutella and, cut them into six squares...
Dip this into the milk mix and pile it into the molds...
See that the bread is moist and filled to a little less than the top of the mold..
Bake this in the oven till it rises up and is golden brown and slightly crisp...
It should take approximately 20-25 minutes...

This is a great fun dish to do with kids, they love breaking the eggs and mixing it with the milk, and frankly even if you go a bit wrong, you really don't go wrong..
So Zeke and Zene, went for it with a vengeance, were dirty , with splashes of milk on their clothes and everywhere and of course the kitchen was a mess..
And they were both giving one another instructions on how it is done...
Well what can I say...Guess they hear me talking about food a lot...
And they were so excited because they knew we were taking this to their art exhibition...

So after I put all the little bread puddings in the oven..
The three of ours showered , changed and got ready ...
And after much shouting and trying to pack the fudge, the apple crumble ...we were waiting for the little bread puddings...

I cant even explain to you or describe to you , the aroma that my kitchen was filled with..
Hmmmmm....that warm orangey-chocolatey flavour..that wafted through..
And so as soon as I took, all these little puffy babies outa the oven..

We dug into it, immediately....poured a little Creme anglaise and some Hersheys Chocolate syrup..
And dug into a bite-ful of just the most comforting morsel of crispy-soft goodness, the hazelnut and the, slight tangyness of the orange exploding like tiny stars...

This has to be eaten fresh out of the oven on to a plate and into your mouth...
So off we went Zeke, Zene. apple crumble, fudge and 36 puffy little bread puddings in the boot of my little Red Bug...
We drove from Versova to Juhu, loudly singing, 'Wake up Sid"..
We love that song...
Thank God , we were not really singing to Sid , because he would have run away ...screaming ha ha ha ..

So After a really long time, here's presenting. 'Little Artists Bread-Butter Pudding"...yummy and if can say so, ever so slightly better than my Mommies, with a whole lot of smiles and yeah..yeah..yeah.. only from, "Maria's Kitchen"...

I STEAL WHAT I CAN'T GET....


I just learned something new about me today ..
I write great stories in my head ..
Wish I knew how to translate them to real life instead ..
But will live and learn ..

As for me this is just the beginning of my journey not the end ..
Think I open my heart completely when I do ...
And sometimes..
It's actually not the most intelligent thing, for me particularly to do ..

I always thought I could read people well..
But oh ..
I'm so wrong ..
It's funny and scary as hell..
I mostly do not let too many people in ..
Because even though I'm really friendly ..
Deep down I'm still a bit shy and scared of a lot of things ..

So when I bare my heart ..
It really takes me a lot ...
Of time and thinking ..
And conversations I have had with myself ...
Of wondering, pondering and shuddering ..
What if this and what if that ..
A thousand questions a million answers ..

But in this little time that I have walked on these beautiful treks into my soul...
I have somewhere come to the conclusion...
That if you really tune into yourself and listen to your heart..
There really is no confusion ...
Even though your heart is placed on the left ..
It is always right ...
So go with how your heart feels...
No matter what...Whats the most that could happen...
You could hurt it a bit ...so what ..

Ask and you will get your answers..
Whether they have been answered or not ..
The fact is ..
It's better to live and take a few chances and take a few memory worthy risks ..
Rather than live with a safety net ..

Bungee jumping for the soul. ..
Ha ha ha that's why I jumped, not just once , but twice and would do it again in a heart beat..( err not exactly ,but i would), even though , heights frighten me to hell..
Once because I wanted to know how it feels....
and again because that's exactly how I wanted my heart to feel ..

Excited, unsure, free-falling ,soaring, light,like a bird who knows that there is a nest way below, with my heart pounding so fast that could feel it burst into a million stars ....

I love my stupid foolish heart, that loves with abandon....
It steals what it cant get..
It makes it's own path ..
It follows a yellow brick road and is in search of the wizard of Oz ..
Knowing fully well ..
That love,happiness, laughter, joy , peace and bravery..
Is all ,actually living inside me..
Dwelling within..
Sitting in solace...
And smiles at me when, there is no other..

And so I will open my heart and smile ..
Because that's the only way I know how to live ..

Like I'm running in an open field, filled with daisies , racing the wind and chasing the sun...
and when the day is done ..
I look up at the great blue sky..
That is twinkling back at me...
Think of all whom I love , send them tight hugs ...
and go to sleep..
And say a little prayer that tomorrow will be as beautiful as today ..

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

UNFINISHED....







I was always told that love is like a butterfly..
Set it free..
If it comes back..
It's yours ..
And if it does'nt , it never was ...
But if this was really love, would it go away in the first place ..

All I know today ,is that life is wonderful..
Live in the present, capture the moment ...
Grab life with both hands and fill your cup with love till it's over flowing ...

And what do you do to the butterflies that fly away..
Do you fly after them ...
Do you call out or then just let go...
It's difficult to let part of your heart fly away , because it then hurts you so ..
Do you feel that probably in another space or time ...
the piece will fit back and all will be fine ...

Maybe butterflies are so beautiful and that's why , they come into your life for such a short span of time ...
Fill you with love, laughter, emotions the colour of the rainbow and music that will stay in your heart..
And then they just depart...
And all you have is what you have left in your heart...
A string of beautiful moments entwined ...
Of chatter and stories...and conversations had...
Of plans to travel beyond the rainbow ...
An unconscious mind strung together with feelings all jumbled together...
Does it make sense ...
Does life have to really be rational ....
Because who has seen what tomorrow brings..

I have not...
Have you ?
I think that our life is made up of unrelated, relate-able nano seconds of moments entwined..
Some times we meet the ones we meet , or then say hi..
Or then sometimes, walk by un-noticed ..
Some we meet and they stay for a while or then a life-time..
Some we meet at various points in life repeatedly ..
Have you ever stopped and wondered why???

Well in my head , I have a huge jig-saw puzzle spread..
In the most beautiful colors strewn..
Lavender, turquoise ,teal greens and fiery oranges..
And colors I don't think I yet know the names of, because I have never seen them before....

Well this puzzle of mine is half done...and the rest of the pieces are strewn around..
But frankly I'm in no hurry..
I don't really think I need it to be complete ..
I like the pieces staring at me, each has a little story on their own ..

Think I'm rambling..
Think I'm wandering... ..
But at least I'm feeling ..Completely alive...
My pulse and all my senses are completely awake , even while my body succumbs to slumber and dreams that stay in my mind...

Well I think I'm ready to look love into his eyes...
I don't think he is quiet ready for me ...
So I'm waiting and counting 1..2..3..

Have been told that I'm like the wild wind...
Yup so I'm just smiling at me and going back to my incomplete jigsaw....
And letting it stay that way..
Because some Stories are beautiful just as they are....
Unfinished.. and completely Incomplete....