From my kitchen to yours

From my kitchen to yours

Friday, December 30, 2011

MY WAY.......


Thought I should end this year..
With a few thoughts ...
Since the New Year is around the corner ..
And it always brings good cheer..
Thought I should say hi to all who made my days full of smiles..
Even if it were for a while ..
Or forever more..
Year 2011.. I love you ..like no other year..
You found me friends..
You filled me with laughter...
You got me to travel to places far and wide..
You opened my heart..
You made me swallow my pride..
You made me sing..
About beautiful things..
You smiled down blessings from above..
Felt peace and joy..
Smiled from every corner of my heart and soul ..
It was wonderful even when I was all alone ...
Learned to laugh till tears rolled down my cheeks..
Also fell down and cracked my rib..
Which hurt pretty deep..
And am learning to love ..
Deeper ...without holding back..
Without trying to hold and keep like gold ..

Yes I'm impulsive..
Yes sometimes I'm bold..
And sometimes I cry like Mary who lost her little lamb in the biting cold ..
But learned to say sorry ..
When my sharp tongue takes over..
It's not nice .. And I must agree..
My temper is no friend of mine ..
But like a bottle of soda..
I pop I fizz
And then settle down ..
And feel amiss..

But know most times..
I have gone ahead and said things I should never have said ...
Stupid idiotic foolish me..
But I am learning from my mistakes..

But then again in retrospect ...
I have just this one life ..
And want to live it well ..
Stare each day in his face ..
Look into his brown eyes ..
Run and hug him tight..
And laugh with him in all his throaty space ..

I want to be me ..
And it's OK to be imperfect ...
It's all right to make mistakes..
Its all right to do silly things..
It's fine to say what your heart wants to say ...
To make random calls to people you love....
To have more than the proper amount of champagne..
To share stuff with your girl-friends most of the time ..
To have babies... Hug and cuddle them ,till their eyes sparkle and shine ..
To fall deep into an abyss ..
And stay there for a while ..

Have now understood that some people in my life..
Don't want to stay..
I realized that what I thought IS, is not, and what is not , is, so WHAT IS NOT, ACTUALLY IS ...
Hope this makes sense..
Because frankly it confused the daylights out of me..

I love 2011...
Like no other year before...
Cannot explain in mere words ...
But my heart visited the moon and back ..
I understood the meaning of soul-mate...
And still probably did not...
My soul sang, it soared, it ran through fields, it sat near lakes..
It swam in the ocean and squinted at the rising sun , it listened to Buble in the moon lite
when the day was done ..

I travelled this year...
I learned to cook..
I learned to sleep alone in the dark ..
Just me and me Che Guevara book..
I learned patience..a bit by bit ..
I learned to listen ..
I learned to smile..
I learned that I need to at least count at least till 9....

What I have to really learn in the coming year..
Is to SHUT up ..
Instead of blurting everything out..
To try and remember more, than I have said ..
To be a little less transparent ..
To exercise..
And do Yoga for my heart ,soul and mind ..
To travel some more..
To laugh with fate..
To bungee jump once more..
To sky dive, into the open space..
And last but not the least ..
To climb Machu Pichu..
It's the one place I really want to be ..

To all my loved ones..
Thank you for this year..
For bearing with my madness, sulking and fears..
For always being there while I was plagued with doubts and even while I walked on clouds ..
For spending time with me..
Virtually... while I was cooking my heart off at Tante Marie..
I grew up this year..
Not just a year older..
But my heart understood love ..
And no it's not only about beautiful words ,music or flowers..

It's about basic stuff..
Like being there without really making a big show ..
That special hi or hello ..
It's that little message that beeps on your phone..
That says I can feel you near, when you are sitting alone ..
It about arms that hold you tight , when you crying with all your might..
It's the kind of love that helps you soar.. When you think your wings are not as strong as before ..
It's straight..
It's kind ..
It's the one that laughs at your silly jokes..
And calls you funny names..
The one that will not run away on a rainy day ..

So dear Ms. Love..
Thank you for being my friend..
And please go around blowing warm kisses ..
To all the ones I will hold dear..
No matter where they are..
Happy happy 2012...

Thank you Amito for capturing me in this moment in time...

p.s. "I've loved, I've laughed and cried,
I've had my fill, my share of losing,
And now,as tears subside,I FIND IT ALL SO AMUSING,
To think, I did all that,
And I may say not in a shy way,
Oh no, Oh no , not me....
I DID IT MY WAY"

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

MR.CHRISTMAS TREE AND ME...





So I'm sitting with my Christmas tree all alone ..
With little fairy lights twinkling at me but seeming a little forlorn ..
My babies and Taz have gone to sleep ..
Dreaming and snoring and all snuggled in bed ..
I look at my tree..
It tells a tale..
of stories I had forgotten ..
And ornaments older than my babies and all the puppies I have run with through fields and shores..
This tree of mine has seen a lot..
Happiness..
Friends..
Dinners..
Lunches..
Puppies stealing stuff..
Children scrambling for their gifts..

And he looks at me and feel like he is waving his laden arms ..
Saying to me ..
"Come closer ..
Come closer ..
Know you need not a smile but a tight hug instead "..
I feel all warm ..
I feel oh soooo nice ..
I look him, all laden with such pretty ornaments ..
That's my old Mr.Christmas tree , looking all spiffy and nice ..
I pull him out every year before my birthday ..
And tug and pull him out of his hibernation ..
He yawns and greets me with a sleepy hello..
And then I entice him with music and pretty ornaments , I have collected from all the new places I have met ..
He looks at me and says, "Maria .. You did it again .. You never fail to surprise me with all that you bribing me with ...
But when I look into your eyes.. I know you mean well "
I clap my hands with glee ..
And brush his leaves till he is all shiny and new ..
And my hands are coarse and blue ..

This year I had great company..
Mr.Christmas Tree, Michael Buble and me ..
We sang and hummed and went mad with all that Jazz..
And at the end of about 4 hours..
I was happy and glad..
Mr.Chris looked lovely ,all adorned ..
In red, blue, green , yellow , silver and gold ..
The fairy lights just lit up with his charm ..
And the angels , hummed a lovely song..
They have come from all over the world, just for me..
I love Angels and butterflies and shiny hearts that do not get broken...
But my favorite Angels are from Africa..
They are tiny and made with beads ....
I bought them from little children with curly hair and big black eyes, and smiles that lit up for miles and miles....
I love Christmas and all the promises it brings ..
Love, peace and happiness..
Laughter and craziness too..
It's this month of December ,
It does strange things...
To you..
I'm sure you would all agree..
It has a lot to do with a certain Mr.Christmas Tree..
I know I should go to sleep ..
But he thinks I should stay and play him one last song ..
"Oh no Mr. Chris..no no , not at all"
He looks at me with that warm comfy gaze..
And says ," I know you want to listen to your favorite song before you go to bed"..
I look at my IPad and my fingers just know what to do...
And before we both can say anything ..
Buble in his honey voice is serenading me ..
I melt, I twirl, I dance with my eyes closed, all alone ..
Mystical, magical, memories and words..
The sky is filled with stars and all the flowers on my terrace nod along with me.. With their sleep heads..
I'm their mistress and they know I love them so ..
So they indulge me with their company and bob in the starry warm glow..
And slowly the song ends..
I'm sitting again..
Just my Mr.Christmas Tree and me ..
"What are you thinking " he asks..
I just smile..
I don't say a word..
I bid him good night ..
I bid him adieu..
And twirl around smiling , I softly sing, "but baby all I want for Christmas is you "..

Monday, December 12, 2011

TANTE MARIE : WEEK 10...GRADUATION AND GOOD-BYE..





















SUNDAY
Wanted to cry was so so homesick , so I went to my friend Lorraine's house just to sleep ..
As soon as I walked into her car from the cold, just felt all warm and at home ..
She is just all heart and knows me for most of my adult life ..
Was so happy inside ..

Dear Lorraine,
Thank you and love you for everything ...
For sharing your home and your beautiful children ..
And Allan who just welcomed me like family ..
Always ..


MONDAY ...
Travelled early in the morning back to Monday morning, took a train back to Woking..
Was not feeling too good , and by the time I was getting ready for class..
Was just feeling like a wave of low blood pressure....
So called the college and stayed home ...
Went for the second half of the day , had a demonstration ...
Finished class and decided I needed to go to Knightsbridge to buy Nespresso pods...
So walked into Harrods and was immediately embraced by the wonderful Christmas spirit at Harrods...
I just sat in there and was getting all set for my big indulgence at the chocolate bar...
And to my good or bad luck ..the chocolate bar was closed and due to open soon ..
Damn..damn...damn..
so needed my happy hormone fix..

So walked around.. Took in the freezing cold ..and was thinking ..
Next Monday I will be in Mumbai ..

TUESDAY...
Went to class and then to a Fashion show with Eve in Guilford , I fell asleep was soooo tired , and she was too cute, she said , i should continue as i was not missing much..
She took me to her favorite haunts and i bought myself a lovely gown..
was very very thrilled...
and then I walk straight into, Wagamamma...
aaaaaaah...it could not get better than that...quickly ordered my take away...
and got home, gobbled it up ..and sat very happy with all the rice in my tummy...

WEDNESDAY..
Well today was definitely not like any other normal day ...
Today was our graduation ..
And yesterday Al told us
that we could come in or not , he had everything under control , so our choice ..
Well frankly I would not miss a minute working for Al, because he is an awesome chef , completely sure of his craft and he knows it ..
Walks around with an easy swagger of someone easy and completely secure in his skin
Working with him is always fantastic , because he is completely no nonsense and yet is a very open and accommodating teacher ..
And this morning learned to make beautiful looking mushrooms ..
Well from now on every time I look at a mushroom I will always want to present it the way Al taught me ..
So thank you Al you have your name written on every mushroom I make your way ..ha ha ha ..

The morning was filled with an energy I have not experienced , we were all there because we wanted to be part of the whole graduation meal and partake in the preparation ..
So amongst much ease and laughter and under the capable broad shoulders of Al , we finished all our chores and left for home or wherever to while away time and dress up for our graduation ..
I have never done this before..
So it just felt awesome to dress up and go and be part of a celebration that you have been preparing for the past 9 weeks ..
Eve my lovely land-lady came with me , she approved of what I was wearing , and came with me for one of the most important mornings I have been looking forward too ..
It was beautiful walking into a place that was so familiar and yet everybody looked so shiny new ..
All our teachers Ally, Al, Nick , Vera, Kate and Tim looked fantastic and glam and festive ..
Also they wore a celebratory welcoming energy that was completely infectious ...
They all looked so beautiful and handsome ..
And we looked oh so nervous ..
We all sat down in our assigned seats and then Andrew our principal .. Opened with wonderful words of wisdom .. That we will all take home and ponder upon ..
We were all then given our results ..
And amongst many claps and an uneasy or confident walks ,to the all familiar kitchen podium , we received our certificates..
At the end of it all we all heaved a sigh of relief and were happy with our results ...
We all got what we deserved ..
With Sam topping class ..

Well I'm absolutely thrilled to bits for him , because his work is impeccable and the pastry he makes is absolutely awesome ..

Felt really nice to be served food by the ones that taught us how to prepare it ..
And we all sat down and ate and smiled and giggled and laughed ..
Gosh this was so so worth all the time I spent here ..
Post our lunch we were all to go to a pub at Horsell..

So I went back to now what I call home ..
Eve's place ..
And Maya and me chilled a bit , had green tea and just spent a few minutes together ..
Went off then to join all the revelers at the pub in Horsell called .. I forgot the name ..
It was truly a fun filled evening , probably the last I will spend with all these wonderful new friends of mine ..

Then I went off to London to meet my friend Tosh , who is just one of the most wonderful guys I have met in a long time ..
A gentleman , funny, witty and a warm heart ..
I know I have made a friend ..
We celebrated my results and good news that he shared ..
And after tons of laughs and more hearty laughs ..
Such a mad mad wonderful bright , laughing evening I went home to Woking ..

THURSDAY
Think I just needed to do bits and ends of shopping and so spent the entire day just choosing two warm jackets for Zeke and Zene...
Sat at Starbucks and had a leisurely hot chocolate ..
Whatsapped my friends ..
Banter and more photos exchanged ..
Oh by the way I love "whatsapp"

Then met my dear friend Lorraine , who refused to send me home and thank God I listened to her because it was wonderful spending time with her family ..
She stuffed me with home made goodies and I went off to sleep in her jammies in her warm beautiful room ..
I don't know when I'm gonna see her again , but she has been my family in London and knew that no matter what ,I had her just a phone call away ..Bless her and her family..

FRIDAY
Think in my 11 weeks here this was the coldest day ever..
I was just frozen and felt that if it snowed it would be just the cherry on the cake ..
I needed to pack , had tons of stuff that I had bought and tons of kitchen stuff and God , really was cringing at the sight of all my stuff that I now had to take back home ...
But Friday evening wanted to go meet Rachna and say bye..
So did just that...
She is a beautiful person and have got to know her as a friend in these past weeks ..
She has a calm peacefulness that she carries and yet is full of adventure and yet is satiated with what life offers her ..
We went for a long walk in the cold and then , had a lovely dinner and then , hugged her tight said good-bye...

It's funny how life sometimes brings people you have known back into your life , but makes you feel completely different about them ..
you get to know them..
Some become friends ..
SOME MORE THAN JUST FRIENDS..
Some still stay exactly where you met last ..

It's a very nice feeling..
This year 2011, has been a beautiful year ..
I have actually connected with people I have known and have formed deeper bonds ..
I have been a little more accepting and forgiving ..
I am not flawless and so hope that people are more accepting and forgiving with my mistakes ..

I went back to Eve's, this would be my last night there ..
I sat on my bed for the longest time..
This was my home for the past 11 weeks..
I have gone through so much and have grown up ..

I learned to sleep alone ..
I realised that I love early mornings ..
I like to take my time to drink my green tea, listen to music and then go about my day..
I learned to tell the people I love that 'I love them immensely' regardless of what they felt ..
I realised that I love the cold as much as I love the warmth..
I love healthy food as much as I love chocolate ..
I love Soya milk as much as I love champagne ..
I like people .. But am very happy being alone, this is something I discovered that was new to me ..
I still get hurt ..
I'm still impulsive..
I still cry like a baby ..

But there is something different about me ..
And I can't put my finger on it, but I feel loved and beautiful ...
And with all this I thank God and go to sleep ..

SATURDAY
I wake up early as usual ..
And Eve my lovely land-lady , dropped me off into Woking..
Where I just spent the next few hours walking through familiar lanes , just saying silent good-byes..
Then with my favorite hot chocolate from Starbucks .. I just sat on the floor of the packed food court and listened to this brass band play wonderful Christmas carols ..
I love Christmas..
I love December...
Think I could not have asked for a better good bye..

Came back to Eve's and said my final good-byes..
Gonna really miss Eve..
She was much more than just a land-lady to me ..
And I was lucky that I lived with her ...
Hugged her and Ralph tight..
Think if it lasted a little longer I would cry...
Will miss you both very very much ...

Took my cab checked into Kingfisher ...
And must say they were absolutely fantastic ...
Mr.Inderjeet thank you for all your help ..
My kitchen is always open to you ...

Reached Mumbai ...
Heat, traffic, and all the other craziness..
But it's home and that's all that really matters ..
E.T. GONE HOME ...



Sent from my iPhone ..
One fantastic moment is worth a hundred average hours ...

Dew drops...



Always knew right from the start ..
That this may probably break my heart..
Knew you would one day walk away without a good bye and leave me standing by the door wondering why ...
So then it's true ..
There was never much love in your heart ,that I thought was so true...
I could see you walking away ..
Much before you really did..
Is it what I said ..
Because I don't really remember you know ..
I have searched the chambers in my heart and soul ..
And looked high and low ..
But could not find our conversation no more ..
Looked at the sea and had conversations alone with me ...
There is not a moment that passes through the day that I don't remember ...
The crazy laughing, giggling, stupid conversations , plans to traverse over valley and hill, the music , and silence across the ocean ..
Somewhere in the sky..
A shooting star just sped away..
And broke into a million shiny pieces..
Just like my heart ..
But know that the joy it felt ,before it broke ,is something that no one can replace ...
So armed with my favorite big broad smile ..
I'm ready to walk this day ...
I feel like my life is like that of a butterfly and so want to smile at the garden that I was born in ..
And then fly off to meet places I can only dream off..
I sit by this lake ..
And look at the girl looking back at me ..
Shiny glistening eyes.. Tousled hair ...
And as the dew drops from my eyes fall into the beautiful water..
Tiny ripples stir the calm ..
I have become one with nature..
And will forever be part of the soil..
And every time the wind blows and the water languidly meets the green grass of the land ...
My name will be whispered by the trees and will remind you of me ..
Just like my smile reminds me of you ..
Because somethings were meant to be ...
Why I don't know ..
Just feel so ...
Some souls were meant to meet ..
And brighten each other lives if even for just a moment in time ..
And so with this I listen to the music playing in my head...
And smile ...
Because this passage of time ,was ,and is only mine ...